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Vindya Ayyar

De(vi)licate in me!!!
Frantic, Morbid fear, Feeling Paranoid, Uncertain outcome, and no logical explanation still “DEMONS”, “GHOSTS” and “DEVILS” were so close to my heart out of fear. When I was young, the interest that I generated towards them was weird. My gut feeling would give me loads of courage to with stand the chill running down my spine and confront the deepest fear as though a warrior of a huge battle. However the real “ME” would warn me not to fall for this ruthless logic.

Eire movies were the target to quench my search and thirst!  At the same time, my parents had a tough time in the night to console my plight. There would be a sudden promise (like a new boyfriend or girlfriend that says “I would never let you go away from me”) that I would never watch these kind of movies thereafter. Followed by heavy prayers to god and goddess to save me from the sleeplessness zoned feeling. Incidentally “all was well” in the next morning and I was back to square one to boast to my friends as to how I withstood the devil’s advocate, demon’s own law and ghost’s gruesome ideas!!! Actually I had grown up with a brother and sisters in my house, and never stayed alone! This gave me a big bolster to fall back on and could fight against my silly beliefs.

Nature had different plans…married to a Navy officer who does duties besides sailing left, right and Centre made me puzzled. My smartest husband did not tell a single word about his night duties before our wedding and I was completely ignorant about it. It was one month after our wedding…it was his turn to do the night shift, He was on leave and people were waiting for him to take over. I was a happy newly married young girl who was not aware of anything like this called OD (officer of the day) roaster, Duty on Sundays or holidays, also have to do night flying (he is a Naval Aviator)

It was a party and we felt overwhelmed as the seniors treated us very well. I was almost flying in air without any Navy helicopter. And the clock stuck 23 hrs (11pm) my husband told me that we had to leave, I asked him like a child…but why? And I felt the bomb shelling…when he confessed that he was on OD duty and he had to go immediately. I was cursing my stars and my crying spell continued even after reaching home! Then…pleaded him not to leave with ghosts as I was scared to stay alone in the house! Nothing worked…Military man…after all, he just left for his commitment. There were no parents and siblings to feel for me and I was scared to death till it was dawn. Subsequent duty days were taken care by my neighbor’s daughters as their parents were kind enough to send them to be with me. Such a great relief to have someone at home in the huge house!

Once my daughter was born, things changed to a larger extent as she would never sleep early. Her active time begins at 12 in the night, therefore I forgot all my fear and got used to taking care of her vigilantly. The same demons became friendly to me and sometimes they were invited home to put my daughter to sleep. Later…whenever my husband would say that he is on duty, I would never react badly because duty is much better than sailing (Harsh truth)

I don’t say that I have conquered my fear yet I am not the same girl who was melodramatic! Paradoxically, The Devils have helped me to come out from this “delicate darling” Vindya syndrome to be a more determined woman! 

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